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AfterCare:
By © shevah~ 6/04 Email: subshevah@aol.com
Never
underestimate the importance of negotiating this closing ritual.
| A |
Attentiveness
- This includes intimacy: cuddling, caressing, hugging,
kissing, massaging, and whispers. Free the bottom from
bondage. Have a change of clothing packed. Control body
temperature. Get warmth by: blankets, clothing, socks,
slippers. Cool down by: drinking water, slowing your pace,
move to cooler location. Relax your muscles & mind. If
bottom is flying, cover eyes from bright lights. Negotiate
beforehand what you will need. |
| F |
Fortify
- Your body's needs: hydrate by drinking water or juice,
eating food, sugar, medications, and nicotine. Clean up:
use the rest room, wash your hands & face, administer
first aid to wounds and collect your thoughts. Rest: a
large amount of energy was exerted & endorphins raging
through the body. Prepare beforehand how to give aftercare
& clean up the scene. 3rd party aftercare? Know any medical
conditions for both Top and bottom. |
| T |
Transition
- A huge Power Exchange took place. Develop a way to Empower
yourself. Reclaim the power dynamics within your relationship.
Refocus your temperament. Find the balance in your roles.
Acquire your natural disposition of mind, body & spirit.
Allow different gear speeds to drive you so that you can
operate smoothly. Feeling safe and secure requires reestablishing
your former protective walls and defenses. |
| E |
Express
- Giving & showing gratitude to your partner(s) is paramount
in emphasizing the scene had meaning. Recognize your appreciation
for the hard work just displayed. A heart felt "Thank
You" goes a long way. Acknowledge the importance of your
connection, which you just shared. Affirm your care and
concern, be supportive and listen. Consider what you can
do for/to one another to 'ritualize' the ending of the
scene. |
| R |
Recovery
- It takes time to: sober up, decompress, collect one's
thoughts, and recuperate in order to be independent again.
Cognitive thinking, emotional stability, and full motor
functionality are all regained with time. The feeling
of abandonment is common if this necessary recovery period
is insufficient. When problems occur and things go wrong;
react quickly, decisively, and assertively. Prepare your
options for scene breakers/stoppers. |
| C |
Communicate
- Be supportive and listen to each other. Did you exchange
contact information? Call, talk, email, visit, & journal:
within hours, days, weeks, and months. 1-800-Flowers.com.
Determining how much follow up is needed depends upon
the depth of your scene & the areas of the mind that was
delved into. Exchange recognition of your needs for both
partners. Tops are "psycho" not "physic" - share your
feelings and give them feedback. |
| A |
Analyze
- Understand your feelings: hurts, pains, euphoria, disappointments,
regrets, and pleasures. Assess your immediate & long term
needs. Did you have an emotional release? What did your
tears or laughter mean? Are you experiencing delayed "crashing"
- Top/sub drop? Tops & bottoms can experience regrets
and remorse for what just happened. Do you need reassurance
& validation for your actions? Endorphin levels take time
to stabilize |
| R |
Reflect
- A critical reflection upon the scene is a natural process
and should be explored by both players. Were the expectations,
goals, and/or limits reached? Were they realistic? Was
the scene effective? What elements could be changed? What
"mental" barriers or wounds were opened and now need attention
to heal? Was the equipment used adequate? If there was
an audience, were they affected? What precautions should
you take next time? |
| E |
Explore
- Future possibilities to play again with this person.
Find ideas to be researched. Determine which skills to
improve. Redefine your don't list and questions to ask.
Locate areas of uncomfortably to avoid. What is on your
wish list? Don't have the mindset of "got to play-itis".
What changes do you need to make with your negotiations?
Where are you now? What have you learned? Realize there
is no 'one' standard for aftercare. Make it what you need
and what works for you and your partner(s). |
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